Up until a few months ago, if any older man had come up to me and hit on me, I would have instantly walked away. I wouldn't have given him the time of day, or night for that matter. I always thought that women who dated older men had to have "daddy issues. At least I do not have those kind of daddy issues. This is the first time in my life that I have ever dated anyone considerably older than me. In fact, for a long time when I began dating my partner, I kept asking myself what I was doing with a man so much older than I am.
Why am I even considering going to dinner with an old guy? Am I going crazy? Am I turning into one of "those" girls? Do I really have daddy issues I was unaware about? No, no, and no. In actuality, this man is spiritually light-years ahead of most of the men and probably women, too that I've met before. He has lots of dating and other experience. He is a good communicator. He He's not going to run at the first chance he gets.
Why Do Women Choose Older Men?
But allow me to elaborate If I want to or have to have a "talk" with my partner, he doesn't dodge or flinch at the prospect of a serious conversation. Instead, he sits right down and talks it through with me. He supports me wherever I am in my life, and talks me through whatever challenge I am enduring, making sure I have what I need.
This is often because he's been there, or somewhere similar, himself; he knows what he needed or would have needed at that time in his life.
What You Must Know Before Dating an Older Man
He has worked through or at least has tried working through most of his issues. He's not jealous or controlling. For instance, he's not worried when I talk to another guy, nor does he care how many pairs of shoes I have. He loves me for just the way I am.
If I fart, it's OK. If I need time to myself, he doesn't have a panic attack or yell at me for not spending all of my time with him. He helps out around the house -- whether or not I ask him to! He does it without expectations, complains or a desire for validation. Instead, he helps from a desire simply to be attentive and kind.
This, again, is likely because he has been living longer, has had more experiences and has learned from them. But wisdom is wisdom. He takes care of me, while allowing me to take care of myself. This one is a biggie! I need my independence completely, yet he is there for me when I ask for help. No questions, no pushing, no complaining.
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We support each other, but allow one another to just be. He has learned by now how to keep a job, or run a company. This marks another one off the checklist if there was one. It was only the last 2 dates that age came up - he thought I would have been older.
I didn't ask what difference age makes - he asked me. I told him my concerns You are putting the cart so far in front of the horse that the horse can't even see the cart. He had already had a career as a dancer in vaudeville, a stint in Germany during WWII, a failed marriage, and an affair with a German chorus girl resulting in the birth of his first son. She had worked behind the bar at her parents' tavern and, I believe, had never been out of the state where she was born.
Sixty years later, they're still together -- she's 81 and he's going on And yes, she does a ton of caregiving because: But they have had an absolutely devoted marriage, during which they ran a business together and raised a terrific, happy family. So can it work out? Do I think you need to worry about it right now?
I Married A Man 16 Years Older Than Me And It’s The Best Decision I’ve Ever Made | Thought Catalog
All you have to do right now is enjoy getting to know each other. Take care of the present and the future will take of itself. In the near future, I think your biggest problem might be that he doesn't want to settle down. If he's 35 and not married, not in a long-term relationship, hasn't bought a house, doesn't have kids, doesn't even have a long-term career, then those things are probably not very high priorities for him.
They aren't high priorities for many people. But it sounds like they might be for you. And that could cause conflict. My husband is 10 years older than me.
We met when I was At the time, we were both students: I was an undergrad, and he was just finishing up a PhD. So in some ways our lives were similar, and we had a lot in common. One issue was that he was just leaving that social context, though, and I was just beginning in it.
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I had another 10 years of university including grad school ahead of me, and he soon signed on to work as an investment banker in London. That was tricky to navigate. We had less in common the next few years. Fortunately for me, he hated banking and went back into academia, and our goals and values and everyday life overlapped a bit more again. The only other issue we have had, if I can even call it that, is that our relationship initially worked because he was kind of an immature 28, and I was a fairly mature The thing is, though, a mature year-old either stays the same, or gets more mature over the next 10 years.
That is not always the case for an immature 28 year old. Fortunately the stint of investment banking in a foreign country kicked his ass into doing a hell of a lot of growing up. He would admit to this too, btw: I'm not just saying it. Without that, I think we would have become incompatible over the next decade. I can speak a bit about this issue because my brother is twenty years old than his wife. My brother started dating young women naturally when he was 20 but as he got older, his new girlfriends remained more or less the same age.
This may seem relatively unimportant but it does have some importance as the relationship develops. When I make certain cultural references to my partner who is more or less my age she gets them straight away. I can remember my brother having issues with one of his previous girlfriends when she did not. The second issue is friends. His friends are his age, her friends are her age, so they have far less in common when they get together.
His current and longest-lasting relationship is with his current wife. But he was around 50 when the first was born. He had no experience of or interest in children. He had been a lousy uncle to mine. He has turned out to be a poor father YMMV.